Sam Champion Is Not Enjoying This

Kelly Clarkson performed on Good Morning America yesterday and decided to lick on the giant gaysicle known as Sam Champion (tastes like pancake make-up, bronzer, urinal cakes, glory hole dust and the back of Diane Sawyer's hand). You can't tell from this picture, but Sam's penis has crawled up into his stomach and his yes-yes hole looks like a slug after getting doused in salt. The reason? A woman's tongue has never been that close to Sam and he doesn't know how to handle it! Sam is trying to focus. He's using his gaymagination to picture Kelly's tongue as a rock hard nine incher. You can tell by the look in his eyes that's it's not working.

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Today's Inspirational Quote

"The essential conditions of everything you do must be choice, love, passion."
- Nadia Boulanger

"What happens is not as important as how you react to what happens."
- Ellen Glasgow

"Nothing has more strength than dire necessity."
- Euripides

"Let your mind alone, and see what happens."
- Virgil Thomson